Having Difficult Discussions: The New Holiday Tradition?

“The truth will set you free, but first it will [tick] you off.”—Anonymous.

Why does it seem that during this ostensibly joyous time of year we are more prone to have ‘difficult discussions?’

I suppose that in our personal lives it is simply due to the increased pressures we encounter during the holidays.  In our professional lives, budgets are being finalized, employee reviews conducted, and many hard business decisions have to be made before the start of a new year.

Your humble blogger has certainly had his fair share of difficult conversations. After many years I am still not decided on which is worse, to initiate a difficult conversation or be on the receiving end.

I do know that I have learned, through experience, that there are right ways and wrong ways to initiate a ‘tough talk.’  I think some of my best learning has occurred on the receiving end of such a talk from someone who has taken the time to do it right.

We can’t predict entirely how someone will react, but among the most important things I have learned when initiating a difficult discussion include:

  • Be honest. Obfuscation of the real intent of a discussion, even when the subject is a hard one, never helps.  In fact, being honest shows respect for the person we are dealing with.  We don’t need to hide a hard message behind false reasons just to be nice.
  • Be forthright. Dancing around a subject never helps. It may improve your dancing, but in terms of having a productive discussion on a difficult subject can mislead and cause more confusion.
  • Be timely. Timing is everything and when delivering tough news, it is best to be delivered as soon as it is appropriate to do so.
  • Be open to feedback and have a listening heart. Remember we are talking about difficult discussions here and successful communication is a two-way street. We may not want to hear feedback, but we should count ourselves blessed if someone is willing to share their honest view point.  While the outcome of the decision may still be the same, obtaining some measure of buy in can only help in a positive way.

Of course, I have had my share of conversations where I have been on the receiving end too.  I know the feeling of my blood pressure rising, jaw clenching, and how that shuts down communication right away because my emotions get in the way of listening.  What can we do to control our emotions during these discussions?

I found an interesting article written by Amy Gallo, contributing editor of the Harvard Business Review, appropriately titled “How to Control Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation” (December 1, 2017).  She suggests several things to help maneuver through those tough moments. I paraphrase here her suggestions.  Read the full article here.

  • Feeling that tenseness rising up through you?  Take deep breaths and let the panic or tension subside as you center yourself and thoughts.
  • Focus on your body. Sitting still can make your emotions build up rather than go away. If you can, get up and walk around a bit to release the tension in your body.
  • Try saying a mantra. Sometimes just telling ourselves to ‘be calm,’ ‘focus,’ or as Ms. Gallo suggests “This isn’t about me,” “This will pass,” or “This is about the business” will help depersonalize the conversation.
  • Acknowledge and label your feelings. I have heard this called ‘name it, claim it, dump it’ and, as Ms. Gallo says “When you put that space between these emotions and you, it’s easier to let them go — and not bury them or let them explode.”
  • Take a break. If you feel things are going in a bad direction, and your emotions are heating up to a point that outcomes may not be constructive, simply take a break.  Ask for a moment to leave the room, get a coffee, whatever. Sometimes just a short moment away from the discussion can clear the air and a constructive discussion continue.

Difficult conversations are inevitable.  However, taking the time to do it right can make the difference been effective and ineffective communication.

A. Alliance Collection Agency, Inc. is a full service, licensed accounts receivable management and debt collection agency providing highly effective, customized one on one management and recovery solutions for our business partners.  Founded in northern Illinois in 2005, we have been proudly improving the bottom-line on behalf of our business partners in and around Chicagoland for over 12 years.

Consumer Debt: How High Can It Go?

No doubt the economy is strong and perhaps getting even stronger.  Consumers are feeling their oats, too, and (good news for business) spending trends are continuing to be strong right into the teeth of the best season for spending ever:  the Christmas season!

With the effects of potentially more economic stimulus coming from Congress (another positive), the ‘great ship’ of consumer debt will likely continue to stay on course and likewise reach previously unheard-of record levels.

Is this a good thing?

Well, it is time once again to put our wonk hats on and recap for you key findings published in the most recent Federal Reserve Bank of New York’s Quarterly Report on Household Debt and Credit (download the report here).

  • A record again! For the 13th consecutive quarter consumer debt balances increased setting yet another new all-time record.
  • Aggregate consumer debt from all sources now has exceeded the previous record set in the third quarter of 2008 by $280 billion!
  • Total household indebtedness was $96 trillion (yes, trillion with a ‘t’).
  • Debt increased in the third quarter of 2017 by $116 billion (0.9%).
  • With the exception of home equity lines of credit, all sources of household debt increased including mortgage, auto, credit card and student loan debt.

Some disturbing trends are developing with regard to delinquencies, however:

  • The aggregate rates of delinquency went up slightly in the third quarter of 2017 to 4.9%.
  • Of the $630 billion that is delinquent, $408 billion is in a serious stage of delinquency (more than 90 days past due).
  • Importantly, delinquency rates for credit cards and auto loans increased as well. The Fed notes that in particular credit card delinquency has been steadily increasing over the last year.

Why is this information important? 

As a licensed debt collection agency, it is our business to keep on top of important trends in consumer financing and debt levels.  We feel that this data can be a bellwether of the financial health of the consumer and in particular their ongoing ability to pay their debts. 

Unsustainable levels of indebtedness will have a substantial impact on our client’s businesses and thus the need to keep informed about these important trends.

So far it appears that, given continuing economic growth, low unemployment, and generally manageable debt levels, the consumer will continue to pay their debts.

How high can consumer debt go?  That is anyone’s guess but we all know there is a top and records of this type seldom last for long, nor do they come without consequences. We continue to urge vigilance on the part of our clients with respect to their credit practices and encourage them to maintain a solid handle on their outstanding debts.  We strongly suggest moving through the collections process with all due speed and as soon as a debt requires more concerted action you reach out to us, your debt collection specialists.  We are here to serve you!